- have a shower
- have a bath
- do anything other than have a rub down with a wet wipe which is, actually, VERY difficult and painful
- wash your hair
- put makeup on properly - one false move with the mascara wand and your left side collapses
- wipe your bum
- wipe your front bum
- put on pants
- take off pants
- put on any sort of clothing
- move your head to one side or the other
- lift a mug of coffee
- lift a glass of wine
- lift a kettle full of water
- walk down steps
- walk on a straight path like you haven't shit your pants
- talk and breathe and the same time
- laugh
- cough
- sneeze
- poo
- sleep
- move to one side to lift your bum cheek to fart
- turn over in bed without using the bedframe as a special 'lifting' contraption
- whip your hair back and forth
- have an asthma attack
- sudden hand movements
- talking about 'exes' in a exuberant manner
Bonuses section:
- I can defrost a bit of chicken and a bag of peas in 5 minutes (cos I'm so hot, on my back, that is...no wait...oh fuck it, you know what I mean)
- personal shoppers (pals)
- washing hanger uppers (pals)
- bin-bag putter outers (pals)
That's about it really!
My back is fucking sore...end of!
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