My application has been copied almost verbatim below so you can be the judge as to whether I get on or not!
| Marital Status: | DIVORCED FROM A RELIGIOUS CULT MEMBER! |
| Address: | LEFT BLANK COS OF STALKERS |
| Do you own or rent where you live? | RENT |
| Home Tel: | N/A |
| Mob: | 07775 592 604 |
| Work Tel: | 0131 510 0133 |
| E-mail: | helen@helenraw.com |
| Twitter Username: | @helenraw |
| Can you accept calls at work? | YES |
| How did you hear about us? | DARREN MOORE FROM EDINBURGH247.COM |
SENSITIVE PERSONAL INFORMATION
| Do you have any medical conditions, including any disabilities or allergies, which the production team should be made aware of? | No If you have answered “yes”, please specify details below and any special requirements you may have for any audition We require this information in order to ensure that we meet our duty of care to you as an auditionee or a contestant, including the provision of suitable access. |
| Have you ever been convicted of a crime, or are you the subject of ongoing criminal proceedings or investigations, or do you have any County Court judgments against you? | No If you have answered “yes”, please specify below full details of any conviction(s)). We reserve the right to carry out background checks on you to verify the above information and you hereby authorise us to carry out such checks. Disclosure of criminal convictions, proceedings and/or judgments may not automatically exclude you from participating but we shall be entitled to exercise our sole discretion. You must notify us immediately if your circumstances change. |
| Is there any other information we should be made aware of? You must not withhold material facts that may jeopardise or otherwise negatively impact the Programme. | Yes, I think If you have answered “yes”, please specify details below. I’m not sure what information you mean but I once gave Glen Michael from Glen Michael’s Cavalcade a row for cheating at ‘Splat the Rat’ I also wrote some not very nice letters to Jim’ll Fix It when I didn’t get on his show. |
EMPLOYMENT AND QUALIFICATIONS
| What is your present occupation? (Please provide details) | Actress, Singer, Film Producer |
| What jobs have you previously had? | Temp jobs - Secretary, PA, Chicken wrapper in a factory, bank clerk, waitress, barmaid – the list goes on |
| Have you ever trained or worked as a professional chef , cook or caterer? | Hahahaha NO! |
ABOUT YOURSELF
| Now the fun bit…. How would your friends and family describe you? | . Unhinged, driven and a bit of a mentalist (I guess everyone says that though, just to get on the show) | ||
| How would you rate yourself in the kitchen? How often do you cook? What meal have you cooked that you are most proud of? | Well, I’ve made some videos of me cooking in the past and the comments have never been particularly complimentary. I like to experiment and once put crisps and chocolate in soup. | ||
| How competitive are you? | Sometimes I’m very competitive but other times I’m more about the banter and can’t be bothered about the winning. | ||
| How honest are you if you don’t like something? Please give examples. | Well, I was in my vocal rehab group tonight and the therapist asked what we thought of her new choice of music and I said ‘I hated it, it really got on my tits’ I try to be diplomatic and tactful but sometimes, it just comes out a bit blunt! I always say what I think though. | ||
| How good are you with criticism/negative feedback? | I’m an actor/singer so it happens all the time – if it’s constructive, then great. If not, I might just cry in a cupboard for weeks. | ||
| What makes you laugh/ smile? | Most things make me laugh. I especially like when people fart by accident. | ||
| What's the funniest / oddest thing you've ever done or seen done? | Oh god, there have been so many but I think the most recent was seeing the drunk Polish man pissing on the bread in ASDA – hilarious and gross at the same time. Tonight, I got almost marched out of Tescos by security because I asked if a brain would fit in a click and shut container – I’m making brain moulds for my next film but they didn’t quite see the production side and thought I was on day release from somewhere! | ||
| From experience what are people’s first impressions of you when they meet you? | They think I’m gobby, mental, a bit of a twat and overbearing. Just give me 20 minutes! | ||
| Would you say you are an opinionated person? If so please tell us about some of the opinions you hold and why. | I am opinionated. I think organised religion should be banned I think child molestors should be jailed for life and made to watch reruns of Crossroads I think Barbra Streisand is amazing and I think the Beatles are a bit pants | ||
| What are you passionate about in life and why? | I’m passionate about filmmaking, acting and singing because it has been my life since I was 8 and I love what I do. I also quite like organising and bossing people about. | ||
| What are your best and worst character traits? | BEST: friendly, supportive, reliable, fun, loyal WORST: gobby, opinionated, loud, overbearing | ||
| Describe the best / worst dinner party you've been to. | BEST: we played Cluedo in fancy dress and got drunk then went to the pub in our gear WORST: my (ex) husband’s friends came round and we spoke about Jesus and drank vegetarian wine | ||
| Your perfect/nightmare guest(s) are? | PERFECT: Barbra Streisand, Margaret Thatcher, Winston Churchill, Billy Connolly, Tom Cruise WORST: Osama Bin Laden, Hitler, Glen Michael, Tony Hart | ||
| Please describe your home. Is there anything noteworthy or unusual about it? You can also send photos. | Nope, nothing noteworthy whatsoever. It has a lot of spiders mind. | ||
| What interesting items do you have in your house that reflect you? | I have a dressing-up box. I have a 12 inch Michael Myers doll I have lots of horror DVD’s | ||
| Are you a vegetarian? How strict are you about this? | Hell no. Meat has to be bloody. | ||
| What are your food “likes” and “dislikes”? Are you a fussy eater? | Not fussy at all. As long as it’s not tripe, I’ll probably eat it! | ||
| What things can irritate you when you go to someone’s house for dinner? | Cat hair Dirty house Bogging toilet Dirty cutlery | ||
| What is your newspaper of choice? | Dailymash.com | ||
| Have you ever been on television before? | Yes | ||
| What would your ideal menu be to cook on the show? Please give us two options. (Theme and additional comments are optional.) |
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| Do you ever do anything as the host to liven the night up during a dinner party? (E.g. a theme or dress code.) | I’d probably get my pals in to sing a few songs and my other pal to do magic. | ||
| What do you and your guests usually talk about at your dinner parties? Are there any subjects that you think are best avoided? | Anything and everything! Nope – bring it on | ||
| Would you put on entertainment on your night? Any ideas? | Aye, singers and magicians (no clowns, I hate clowns) | ||
| How else would you make your night different from others you have seen on Come Dine With Me? | I would be there | ||
| How do you spend your spare time (hobbies etc)? | Film making, singing, reading about serial killers | ||
| Why do you think you could win Come Dine With Me? | Because people will have fun and the food will be slightly better than at the Little Chef! |
So, I'll let you know if I get on the show!
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