38 hurts a lot.
I don't look 38. I don't feel 38. I don't behave like I'm 38. I still occasionally get ID'd if I buy wine in ASDA! To the outside world, 38 is looking pretty good.
38 hurts a lot.
29.05.12 was a bit of a bastard. The bastard that punched me in the stomach with the reminder that I have lived on this planet without my Dad for the same number of years I lived on it with him.
38 hurts a lot.
It's not right that at 38 I am able to say "wow, my Dad has been dead for 19 years".
He was a mentalist. He was hilarious. He didn't give a shit. He didn't suffer fools gladly. He swore, a lot. He was a complete arse most of the time. He lectured me about inane shite. He pissed me off. He nicked most of the chicken skin at 'Sunday Dinner'.But he was my mentalist.
He made me laugh hysterically. He taught me not to give a shit. He taught me not to suffer fools gladly. He taught me the rude words to normal nursery rhymes. He taught me how to be a complete arse most of the time. His lectures have 'allowed' me to become an anal retentive film producer. He taught me that I just had to run faster to get to the chicken skin first on a Sunday!
I start University this year (2012) and I graduate (oh yes, I WILL graduate) in 2016 when I'm 42. I start the next phase of my life at 42.
When my Dad was 42, he was more than 18 months into chemo and radical surgery treatment to try and prolong his life having already gone through the same thing 17 years before.
My Dad died when he was 43. I now appreciate how young that is.
My Dad was brilliant and I only hope that I can be as strong as him, as brave as him, as mad as him, as hilarious as him, as arsey as him and as 'fuck offy' as him. He is one of my beacons and whether I am singing, acting or bossing folks about on a film set or a crime scene, I hope he looks down on me proudly knowing that I have always been true to myself, my morals and my beliefs, regardless of how hard it has made things for me at times.
I love you and miss you, every day.
Lots of love, Tuppence xx
19.43.38
When life gives you lemons, chuck them back shouting 'is that all you've got, fuckface?' - Helen Raw (2012)
