New Dating Site Email...Part 2 - Different Bloke, Same Night...

wow what a profile I am trying to work out if you are serious or just looking for new material for your show. You have eloquently said what a lot of really think, there is so much bullsh*ton these dating sites, a bit of honesty , good for you. So have may guys risen to the challenge and responded?? Well I'm not religious, or a weirdo (debatable) and I can punctuate. I even got an A for my english literature O level much to the surprise of Mrs Pinkerton my teacher as she thought I was a waste of space, I sure showed her! I also agree with you about txt spk it does my head in too LOL !!!!!! Uuuuuurgh I am a GP during daytime hours so suffer fools on a daily basis but would rather not have to. Consequently I am really good at faking being interested when I am not (a very useful life skill) I like to think I am laid back but am probably passive aggressive and a secret control freak I think farts are absolutely hilarious and never tire of the pull my finger gag I would rather run than walk and have far too many sports i like to dabble in I love being active but secretly would just like to lie down a bit more often than I do I have never managed to leave the glam rock era behind and love head banging and singing out of tune in the car Bouncy castles are boring unless they are the adult kind and have a giant inflatable ***k in the middle of them (they do exist) I have a great memory for useless rubbish but forget anything important I love "the arts" but can't profess to knowing anything about it. Its a bit like wine I know what i like when i drink it I didn't come to you show sorry. Anyway you are either full of it or really interesting so i hope you answer this though the website tells me less on 1 in 3 messages get an answer !!! I get the feeling it would be great to meet you even though you will probably just use it to gather material for your show. What is the saying "support the arts buy an actor lunch" .....if you're lucky

My reply:


Hahahahaha funny email!  Although I'm about as fit as a Yum Yum right now!


The whole mountain biking, quad biking, canoeing, mountain biking thing makes me want to be sick, but I could learn...in a century or so...to deal with it... Happy smiley face.


Anyway, you're a GP so you must be a bit intelligent and normal (unless you're a Harold Shipman descendant - in which case I will judge you severely.)


Anyway.  You offered buying lunch, so I'm in.  Call me cheap...Happy smiley face, again...

New Dating Site Email...

OK, so I will give this a go to prove that there are nice normal guys who can spell.

This is the best profile I have ever read, honestly, fantastic. I intend to steal most of it for my own.

I only came online to delete my profile as I too, am sick of the "hi, how are you?" emails.

Some facts about me.

I learned to drive, age 8, in West Africa.
I have eaten fish beside the Sea of Galilee.
I was part of a Ferrari race team pit crew.
I make great Tacos.
I swam with wild Dolphins off the coast of Key West.
I have driven a Delorean at 88 mph (one for the geeks)
I prefer hotels to camping.
I taught myself to play the guitar in 6 months then performed on stage.
I have driven across America, twice.
I have just read the funniest profile.

I couldn't help noticing that you have no pets but still enjoy taking your cat and dog to shows. Are you just kidnapping random animals to feed a rosette fetish?

Anyway, hope this gave you a laugh if nothing else, maybe speak to you again.


My response:


Okay, the Dad jokes about the aromatic duck = :-(  


The chat about swinging the animal at the RSPCA = :-) 


Hello!


You got a reply - you must've used correct grammar and punctuation and must not be mental (I have mentalometer) - at least on the face of it!


Anyway hello, how are you, what's your favourite colour and all the usual shite :-)



***


Please note, this guy mentioned the swinging cat thing and duck thing in his 'actual' profile, which I read before replying!  - I'm not actually mental! 


Happy smiley face.

List Of Things You Can't Do With A Bad Back

• have a shower
• have a bath
• do anything other than have a rub down with a wet wipe which is, actually, VERY difficult and painful
• wash your hair
• put makeup on properly - one false move with the mascara wand and your left side collapses
• wipe your bum
• wipe your front bum
• put on pants
• take off pants
• put on any sort of clothing
• move your head to one side or the other
• lift a mug of coffee
• lift a glass of wine
• lift a kettle full of water
• walk down steps
• walk on a straight path like you haven't shit your pants
• talk and breathe and the same time
• laugh
• cough
• sneeze
• poo
• sleep
• move to one side to lift your bum cheek to fart
• turn over in bed without using the bedframe as a special 'lifting' contraption
• whip your hair back and forth
• have an asthma attack
• sudden hand movements
• talking about 'exes' in a exuberant manner

Bonuses section:

• I can defrost a bit of chicken and a bag of peas in 5 minutes (cos I'm so hot, on my back, that is...no wait...oh fuck it, you know what I mean)
• personal shoppers (pals)
• washing hanger uppers (pals)
• bin-bag putter outers (pals)

That's about it really!

My back is fucking sore...end of!