Treasure Maps, Christopher Lee and Molten Lava

It would appear my dreams are getting more and more surreal.  Last night I did not eat cheese before I went to bed and the film I watched was all about vampires and exsanguination* so there isn't even a connection there!!


I had lots of pictures that were secret treasure maps and was very excited to find the treasure because then I could do everything that I want to do without the financial worry of where my next bag of Haribo was coming from.


A couple of blokes were tagging along but, as usual, I was the one doing all the work and solving all the clues and being the first one to stick my arm in the black holes in trees to get the next clue.  Bit like doing the Crystal Maze all by myself - they didn't even carry my bag!

the Lee that is Christopher

Anyway, it turns out that someone (an evil queen I think) didn't want me to find the treasure so she put a spell on the road we were walking along and it started to break apart and reform into Christopher Lees head.  There was molten lava underneath and some of our treasure maps were being sucked in.  I jumped into the lava to rescue them saying to the blokes 'it's only lava, it's not that hot' but they stayed on the unbroken bit of road - fucking pussies!

very hot lava

As I was managing to save a bunch of the pictures, the road-head lifted up and started to fold in on itself (like when you fold an omlette - something I can never do without smashing it up and turning it into scrambled egg) as the road was folding Christopher Lee was laughing and taking more of my treasure maps with him.  I was so pissed off and angry that I didn't even notice my shoes and face were starting to melt from the 'not that hot lava'.


With sheer grit and determination, I saved another two maps and jumped out of the head-road and onto the normal road.


The following conversation ensued:

"Cool you got the maps, where do we go now for the next clue?"

"Excuse me?  If you think you are getting your hands on any of this treasure after your woeful display of manliness, you've got another think coming."

"But you'll need us to help you fight the 2-headed monster later." 

"Dude, I'm on my period, let's just wait and see who wins that one."

Then one of the men said he would only go out with me if I shared the treasure and changed the colour scheme in my bedroom.  I told him I didn't date gays. 


I then went on to do the rest of the treasure hunting by myself.

I have no idea if I found the treasure cos next thing, I found myself telling goblin stories to kids in a park and convincing them that a family of pixies lived in the magic tree...

*bleeding out, being bled to death

in a butchers shop