48 Hour Film Project: Mental!

3 days of no sleep.  Lots of laughing.  Brand new pals.  Excellent, bring on 2012.


Here's the film made by Team RAW - filmed in one day :-)

Yorkshire Puddings: The Unexpected Excitement!

So, I decided that I would make some Yorkshire puddings to go with the 'roast dinner' I'd decided to have today. 


When I say roast dinner, I mean Tesco sliced chicken that I will heat up along with some 'out of date' broccoli and spuds that I will chuck in the steamer.  Yes, I HAVE a steamer as opposed to BEING a steamer!


The only reason I decided to have some Yorkshires is because my mate and cruise ship mucker Rachel was gobbing off on her Facebook page about them.


I had no ingredients with which to make the aforementioned items, so had to show a brush to my hair and pop to the local grocery establishment which is situated close to a corner and owned by a chap from actual Pakistan.  We used to be able to call them 'corner Paki shops', but not anymore.


I will relay what happened, word for word, as a mini sketch below:


Scene: I'm in the local shop, there's an old man behind me in queue holding a pack of sausages. The shopkeeper has a heavy Pakistani accent and is wearing a turban.  His name is Dave (cos no-one can say his actual name).  I have eggs, milk and The National Enquirer in my hand.


Raw: Do you sell flour?  
Dave: Flour?  No, sorry. Wait, what do you mean? 
Raw: Flour, you know the floury ingredient for making cakes and stuff?
Dave: What?  Flour?  Nope we've none. 
Raw: Bollocks, never mind, thanks anyway Dave.  
Dave: Wait, you mean flour? 
Raw: Yes. 
Dave: Oh I thought you said flour.  I can't understand your accent. 
Raw:  Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Dave: I know, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Old man (with the sausages): for fuck sake *chucks sausages on counter and leaves*


I made my way home after phoning my mum to tell her of the hilarious exchange in the shop and started to go about making my very own Yorkshire puddings.


What follows, is not for the faint of heart.  You have been warned.  

Laying out all the ingredients, just like Delia

Close up of the jug of flour (I couldn't find the scales!)

Adding the eggs

Hhmmmmmm

Looks a bit like vom

and more vom

Actual recipe - notice it's for 24 small ones!!  Oops!

Pint of fecking batter!

What follows, are the videos of the entire process.  Along with a few sweary words.


This never happens on Delia's 'How To Cook Like A Robot With No Personality At All And A Rod Shoved Up My Arse"


...think Blair Witch Project, with batter...


I think I might make my own cookery show...


Part One:

Part Two:

Part Three:

Part Four:

So, that's pretty much how it went down.

Here are some 'after' pics:

Couple of broken ones cos they were so high they hit the top of the oven!

I'm sorry, how cool??

Not a kick in the arse off 3 inches.  GET IN!

Signed Yorkshire, ready for the highest bidder...

Not really sure what else there is to say other than MY YORKIES KICK ARSE!  DELIA, YET AGAIN, FUCK RIGHT OFF!!*

* for those of you who are new to this blog and have no idea why all the Delia references are slightly negative, you might want to read the first Delia based blog: Delia Smith Is An Evil Cow!

Pulsating Eye/Hand, Getting Shot in the Head, Fighting a T-Rex

I just woke up in a panic after dreaming I had an open, pulsating and bleeding eye on the back of my hand that summoned bad things.

I was disputing a production contract but was late to a meeting so didn't want to interrupt, this is when the eye started pulsating heavily on my hand.

I heard a drama coming from the room I was meant to be in and saw a T-Rex running wild trying to eat people.  I went into the room and the T-Rex came at me but then saw my hand and ran off, saying he would get me later (him talking didn't seem odd!).

The man running the class thought this was weird so he put a plastic bag over my head and told someone to shoot me.  They did and it hurt.  I took the bag off my head and shouted 'any need' cos my head was now pounding.

They were shocked that I was still alive.

The eye was pulsing harder and now bleeding.  I got my contract sorted then headed into the mini woods (which happened to be in the car park at the 'new' shops in Dalgety Bay.  The evil woman in white lived/slept in a hollowed out tree at the end where the video shop used to be, the wizard kind of lived in the middle and the man with his head on fire lived in the 'scary ghost train ride' up where the travel agents used to be.

I saw the evil woman in white, the wizard and the 'fire man' all coming towards me.  I didn't know which were goodies and which were baddies so I ran away and, essentially just ran round the car park, only it wasn't a car park anymore, it was all trees and woods and scary circus/funfair rides.

My hand was really hurting now and I was getting pissed off.  The T-Rex came out of nowhere but I just told him to fuck off and go and find someone without a pulsating hand/eye to eat.  He did, in fact, fuck off!

I ran over a gymnsatics beam to get away from the woman in white, who had really horrid hair, when I just I stopped and shouted - 'who is not scared of my pulsating eye/hand and who is here to save me?'

The wizard stepped forward and together we ran to my pal, Michelle Johnston's, police car. 

I drove but had to navigate up the side of a fence with parked cars squeezing us in.  Just as I was about to ram the cars to get away, they all magically moved.

I drove out of the Dalgety Bay Shops car park and then woke up with pins and needles in my hand!