Support Our Troops

It's Armed Forces Day tomorrow.


Even if you think war is the last resort and you don't agree with it or condone it, please spare a thought for our guys and girls out there doing their jobs.


They don't get to choose which war they fight in. They are told.
They don't get to choose which orders they follow. They are told.
They don't get to choose when to come home to their families. They are told.
They don't get to choose what clothes to wear to work. They are told.
They don't get to choose who has their back in a war zone. They are told.


They are told what to do every day so that we have the freedom not to be told what to do every day.


No matter what our life throws at us, we can deal with it, safe in the knowledge that someone has our back.  We don't get to choose who that is. 


We will probably never meet them. 
We will probably never know that a mother is getting a phone call right now to say her son or daughter won't be coming home, ever again. 
We will probably never know that a husband or wife has just been told that their other half won't be coming home to kiss them goodnight or tuck in the kids, ever again.


Regardless of your personal feelings on war and the military, take a few moments tomorrow to spare a thought for those who put their lives on the line for a starting salary that is less than that of a checkout operator in Tesco.


I wonder how many of you would have the balls to stare a young soldier, airman/woman, naval seaman/wren in the face and tell them that what they are doing is a waste of time. That their life on the firing line is just a waste of time.


Our troops don't get asked which war they would like to fight in and which citizens of our country they would prefer to protect. 


They just get on with the job in hand.


Here are 2 examples of fine men who have served their country:


Petty Officer Alan Raw
Royal Navy 1966 - 1989
Died in 1993 due to cancer caused by his service to our country

Private Albert Edward Hayes
East Surrey Regiment 1939 - 1945
Died in 1968 of cancer (after kicking Hitler's arse)










The medals speak for themselves.


RIP Dad and Grandad - hope you are both kicking arses wherever you are xx

Wasabi Peas

I love Wasabi Peas.


I could eat them all day.


They go with everything. Well, nearly everything.


When you get experimental and chuck them in with your chicken and pesto pasta concoction they taste of nothing!  They are literally little green round things that have no taste whatsoever. They don't even taste of pea.


I really didn't see that one coming.


What a waste!

Seriously, I Almost Drowned!

So, I've moved to the country cos the city flat I was living in got sold and I had to get oot :-(


No problem I thought - will be a nice change.  I've never been so wrong.


First of all there are birds in the country. Lots of them, who all have shitloads to say at 3, 4, 5 and 6 in the morning.


Secondly, there's lot of bushes which means lots of soil which means lots of wee beasties.  I'm sick of waking up next to a pervy woodlouse.


Thirdly, the country walks are dangerous.  Just last week I decided to have a wee ramble out to Cramond Island.  It's called an island but it's not really cos it's attached to the mainland by a causeway which gets covered over when the tide's in. For those who know me, you will probably guess what's coming next!


It was a lovely sunny day and my morning meetings had finished early so as a 'treat' I went for a wander. I decided to check out the island for a few minutes and made a mental note to make a concerted effort to come back and explore properly when I had more time.


I checked the tide times that had been posted by the very helpful community council.  I must stress that these times can only be read by able seamen and the genius percentile.


Assuming I had read the times correctly, despite being neither of the aforementioned, I strutted off down the causeway, nodding and smiling at all the people walking in the opposite direction. My first thought was - "crap they must have got there early to be going back already"!  The main thing I learned this day is that sometimes, when everyone else is going in the opposite direction to you, perhaps it's not the day for you to forge ahead on your own path - best to turn around and follow them!


Clearly these people knew how to read the tide time thingy properly.  They knew the tide had already started to come in. They knew that anyone going across now would be stranded - NICE OF THE FUCKERS TO CHECK I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING OR WARN ME!


The country is also full of stuck up folks in wax jackets with dogs and annoying children in expensive prams that are the size of my Smart car who won't speak to you or help you, bastards.

The causeway when the tide it oot - not scary

Anyway, I got across the causeway and wandered up the side of the hill to revel in the views and the hideously graffitied information board which was supposed to show you what the plants and wildlife were - Bill Oddie would have a fit if he saw the state of it.  I then texted my pal with 'I can see your house from here'.

The causeway when the tide's in - how scary?

As I started walking round to the other side of the island I was aware of a couple of people taking their shoes and socks off and starting to head to the causeway. Yep, I'd been on the island 10 minutes and already the causeway was under water!


Any need?


I ran, in a very non-panicky way, to the edge of the water and flapped about a bit. I had a quick decision to make - be stuck on the island until 9pm (it was only 12 noon) or practically swim to the shore!


I started wading. 


The first wee bit wasn't too bad. Then it got deeper and I started hyperventilating a wee bit - I wasn't even half way across (the causeway is a mile long) and already I was waist deep and couldn't see where I was walking!  I didn't know whether to turn back, piss my pants or keep going. I kept going.  With my handbag over my head so my iPhone didn't get wet (priorities!).


About 20 minutes later, I emerged from the freezing cold water with numb feet, shins, thighs and belly and the only thing I could think to say to the people on the shore who were clapping (not helping, clapping) was 'that'll be the tide in then'!  What a tit.


As I was shaking myself like an old dog on the pier, my mate Paul phoned and said "what are you up to?", "I've just got out of the River Forth having waded waist deep from Cramond Island cos I got stranded", "No really, what are you up to?" at that point a bloke came up to me and said "do you need a lift anywhere, I can see you're soaked through after that mammoth wade" to which Paul said "fuck sake Raw, only you would ACTUALLY have done that for real".  What can I say?


I trudged home literally dripping wet. It was blatantly obvious to everyone what I had done - I had sand and crap marks up to the knees of my trackie bottoms, the bottom half of my fleece was a darker colour to the rest and I squelched as I walked.


It took me 4 hours to thaw out.


A word to the wise, if you're thinking about a nice wee walk to Cramond Island, don't do it. It will scar you for life and it's just full of seagulls anyway.


I can't wait to move to Dundee, the country is pish.