Banana = Penis

Sorry Mum, in advance...

Today, I was eating a banana, in public and although I was eating it for health reasons and the fact that I had 3 bastarding lectures for 4 hours straight and would need to have something to munch on, I still couldn't help thinking the following things as I ate it:

-Shit, it looks like I'm eating a penis
-Shit, it looks like I'm sucking a penis
-I'll change the way I eat it
-Shit, now I look like I'm breaking a penis into manageable chunks because my mouth isn't big enough
-Shit, I'm now hesitating at eating the pieces so people will think I hate peni (plural) and blow jobs
-Shit I now have lots of bits of banana on the table in front of me, scared to eat them for the above reasons but also scared to leave them in case people think I am hoping to practice actual penis destruction on them
-Shit do people now think I am some sort of serial killer in the making?
-Oh god, earth, please open and swallow me...

Or you can just eat a banana and wear a badge saying 'fuck you, I'm eating a banana'.