Royal Navy Reserves - Major Bucket List!

So, life is short. We know this already.

I've done a lot with my life and have had lots of experiences so far. What does this all mean? I have no idea!

I just know that there has to be more to life than making films, studying at Uni, being a performer and teaching people acting stuff.

So, with this in mind, I've decided to sign up for the Royal Navy Reserves in memory of my Dad. This way, I can give back proper. I might go to war and everything!

My Dad was (is) amazing. He's been dead for 19 years. I've lived on this planet without my Dad for the same length of time I was with him. That's a bit weird. I'm only 38 and my Dad has been dead for half my life. Fuck sake. 

To read more about my amazing Dad see here and here and here and here

I'm not sure that I was put on this planet to do just one thing. I'm only going to be here for about 90-100 years so I want to do as much as I can in that time cos I've no idea where I go next and I figure, the more things I can do here, the more valuable I'll be on the other side. I also want to feel fulfilled on THIS side of the matrix.

I have a bucket list that is about 3 pages long and I think it would be wrong of me not to try and tick them all off. One thing on that list is shooting a Somali pirate - this is more likely to happen if I sign up for the Royal Navy Reserves. There is logic to my madness!

Some of the more sensible things on my bucket list are:

• Swimming with great white sharks - not just in a cage - actual swimming, in amongst them
• Paying for my wee sis to go and work with the Orangutangs in Borneo
• Paying my mum back what I owe her so she can build patio doors and a conservatory (and a stair lift for when she is an old mong)
• Travel to the parts of the world I missed out on when I worked on cruise ships
• Help build a school in Nairobi and visit the wee man I sponsor there
• Complete a 4 year Degree in Forensic Psychobiology - Classes started on Monday 17th Sept 2012!
• Make Raw Talent Productions strong enough to stand side by side with Lions Gate - Well, I am a member of BAFTA, am producing 13 short films and 2 feature films and am Exec Producer on 1 short and 1 feature (the short just won a BAFTA) so watch this space...
• Live on a barge

There are, of course, lots of stupid things on the list like eating 25 packets of Wotsits without licking my lips and winning again at Century Club (a cruise ship thing). There's literally hunners o things I want to do before I croak!

Back to reality, I know some people say that you have to pick one thing and be brilliant at it. I would question - why? You can be brilliant at lots of things if you open your brain!

10,000 hours makes you expert at something. That is 6-7 hours per day for 4 years. So, if you assume you are active on this planet for 50 years, there are lots of things you could be expert in! Why pick just one?

I don't want to pick just one. I want to pick a few things and keep working on them!

Maybe I'm a weirdo - it has been said before!

I just believe that we have a short time on this planet and the answer to most questions should, in the time honoured improv style be, 'yes, okay or yes, let's' regardless of how ridiculous they appear - otherwise how else will you discover new things?

Of course, this sometimes means that you get off a train 6 stops early to party with people in Newcastle that you just met on the train, but they invited you so why not?

Life is short people. Have a laugh and do random things. Do things that your brain tells you you shouldn't do. Do things that you never thought you would.

Otherwise, what is the point of being here?

I know I'm studying Psychology and 'why are we here' is a big question. I have no idea why we are here. I have no idea what the big picture is. I don't believe in Jesus/God. I just believe that we have an amazing chance to do all sorts of random things and why would we not want to exploit that - especially if it can help other people?!

I will be joining the Royal Naval Reserves on Monday 24th September. I will get my fitness levels up to pass their test and I will continue what my amazing Dad started. 

At this moment in time, I think this is the best way to be spending my spare time - I've already done the drinking and spewing part of my life, I've now moved on to this!

It's all very exciting AND I get a uniform AND a parade when I pass!

Love you Dad x

Mum, Dad, Sis and Best Pals

I'm only here because people have believed in me.

My Mum, Dad, Sis and best pals knew I should be doing drama, film and serial killer stuff and never told me not to.

They came to every show I ever did, even the really shit ones.  They listened to all the random rantings I had about Jack the Ripper.

I did a speech in 1st year on Jack the Ripper. It made sure I didn't get beaten up for a week cos I used china graph pens and images on the OHP. I also made it clear that I understood the Locard principle of transference - every contact leaves a trace.

I have recently produced 7 films in 6 months whilst coming out of the other side of a divorce. I have acted in many more. 

I am now studying Forensic Psychobiology, full time at University.

I'm sure I wouldn't have done any of it without the love and faith of my family.

My Mum and wee Sis are everything to me (my Dad is now deid but he still counts). My best friends are awesome.

They believe in me. 

That is amazing.

My mum just wants me to be happy. What more should a parent ask for? 

My Mum is the best :-)

LYL Mama Raw xx

Anti-depressants and University - oh the drama!

So, I was told to stay on my anti-depressants after my last check up because the amount of drama I've had in the last year, well the last 3 years in general, puts me 'off the scale' as far as the mood chart goes.  Who knew that doctors had a mood chart. It probably has some clinically impressive name but it's basically a bunch of questions and you rate your mood on a sliding scale from 1 to 10. 10 being 'I've actually already killed myself' and 1 being 'why am I even filling in this chart, my life is amazing'.  I'll not tell you my score but let's just say I've loosened the noose a wee bit!


Joking aside, it's been a major uphill battle this last year or so, with everything that kicked off in January 2009 finally coming to an end.  It's going to make for an extended episode of 'Piers Morgan's Life Stories' when I finally get invited on.


My life has been so full of shite and drama that I'm amazed I've not been sporting the latest in straight jacket trends before now. 


Along with all the other shite, I was just recently diagnosed with Posterior Subcapsular Cataracts, which basically means I am slowly going blind and they can't (won't) operate until I'm at the 'seriously, I can't see a fucking thing and I'm learning to play the piano like Stevie Wonder' stage due to all my past surgeries for detached retinas. 

The risk with this type of surgery IS detached retinas! Mine have already been detached so it could go either way - they are either glued on with major 'No Nails For Eyes' or, they will re-detach during surgery, never to be reattached again and I will see no more.


So, in a nutshell, I'm a slightly overweight, divorced, almost blind woman. Fantastic!


Okay, so the weight I can fix (start my new gym programme next week), the divorce has given me stories that no one can believe and going blind means I can finally get a dog, so every cloud...

So what do I do?

Well, I thought, FUCK IT and started University! 

It's all quite silly really!  Apart from being shit at the chemistry stuff, I'm quite liking it.  I never thought I would be content living with three 20 year old boys but hey ho, life is full of new things! Who knew that living in student halls and studying my arse off would resurrect my life?!

I am very much a positive person and the way I see it (ha 'see' what I did there? Cos of the blind thing...oh fuck it, never mind!) the time will pass anyway so you might as well do something with that time.  This will give you stories for when you are in a home, pishing into a bag, eating pureed food, bitching at the YTS worker!

Regardless of the shit you may have had, currently have or will have, rain down on you, life will happen anyway.  You can live it to the full and crack the fuck on, or you can let it finish you off.

At the end of the day, when we die, we probably all end up in the same 'place' (wherever that may be) so, your only decision is - when do you want to go there?

I'm not ready to go there yet and will kick and scream until the last breath escapes my body as I'm clinging to a vodka, texting my mum, sis and pals.  Having said that, I'm not scared of it cos I'll see my Dad, Gran, Biscuit, Vincent, Katie and a few other dead family members - I'm just not ready for a face to face catch up quite yet.

So, in another nutshell, I'll crack on at Uni for as long as I can see. I will then have an operation and will either continue to see better than I do right now, or I will see fuck all. I'll worry about that when it happens. In the meantime, I have been practising walking about blindfolded, just in case!

Life is a rollercoaster!  Get on and puke your guts up or stand and watch and wonder what it feels like!

Front row in the first car for me please.

I Just Started Uni - Day 1

OMG

I feel like that bird from Legally Blonde!

Apparently, making your own packed lunch is not the done thing - I learned that on day 1 - you get ridiculed. My lunch was cheaper than theirs so I still fail to see their argument.

Apparently, wearing an Abertay t-shirt on your first day is like career suicide. Having said that, the bloke that invented the course invited me to his psychology group?!

Apparently, buying an Abertay hoodie in the campus shop and 'putting it straight on', on your first day, is a no-no. I refer you back to my note above!

Apparently, speaking up in debate class is what mentals do. Then I guess I'm a mental!

Apparently, telling people that you know who Roy Castle, Stu Francis and Jimmy Saville are, is a faux pas. Then a faux pas I be!

That pretty much sums up day 1!

I also crashed a student party but felt old and sensible, so I left!!

Come Dine With Me - You Know You Want To...Part II

So, I got offered a place but had to turn it down cos of Uni - filming was happening the same week my classes started so I had to make a decision!

I told them that I'm game for it but it would need to be later! I'm on their list - I think it's cos of the 'cult member' hubby!

Who cares, telly is telly!

Watch this space for later in the year!