Match.com just published a helpful guide for us single girls.
I have attempted to correct or explain what I think they are really on about and you will see the Match comments on the left and my thoughts on the right in a very easy to follow columny type layout.
I’ll probably get in trouble for this, eventually, by the people at Match but my response to them will likely be: “meh”.
Happy reading.
“7 reasons you're still single…
If you’re in the market for finding that special someone and true love seems to constantly elude you, there are several reasons why you might not be attracting Mr Right.
From low self-esteem through to too high expectations, women in particular are experts when it comes to jeopardising potential relationships before they’ve even had a chance to get off the ground. The good news is that there is something you can do about it… “
From low self-esteem through to too high expectations, women in particular are experts when it comes to jeopardising potential relationships before they’ve even had a chance to get off the ground. The good news is that there is something you can do about it… “
Match.com
Match | Raw |
1. You’re Not Trying | 1. You Can’t Be Arsed |
You may enjoy spending every evening at home in front of the telly, but if that’s the case you have no grounds for complaints about not having a boyfriend. Funnily enough, Mr Perfect isn’t hiding under your bed waiting for the right time to sweep you off your comfy slipper-clad feet. If you want to find him, you’re going to have to put yourself out there. Yes, that means getting up off the sofa and socialising. The occasional night in watching the box is fine, just as long as you’re making the most of your social network and mingling as much as possible the rest of the time. | Stay in and watch the telly as much as you like. You’ll have to go out eventually to buy food. Brush your hair (or hide it under a hat if you haven’t washed it for 3 days), put on some lippy and then go out and rummage around in Lidl. If you see a nice bloke great, if not, just go home, put your big slipper back on and watch Coronation Street re-runs. If a bloke really wants you, he will take up door to door collecting for Christian Aid/Lifeboat Charities and start chapping on doors - he WILL find you. You will probably have to put money in the envelope though, so always have some spare change by your front door, just in case. |
Match | Raw |
2. You’re Too Fussy | 2. So, We’ve to Date A Mong Then? |
Happily married author of romantic fiction Jenny Colgan has some expert insight for those of you with a long and detailed checklist against which every potential lover must be measured. “Great long-term relationships aren't made from interests in common, political allegiance, shared belief systems or hobbies. They're made from people being thoughtful about one another. Emptying the dishwasher. Listening to their day. Saying please and thank you. Treating them as you would anyone you really liked and admired. It's easier to say 'I'd walk over broken glass for you' than it is to take the bins out every night.” So ditch the checklist and start dating with an open-mind. | First of all, don’t take advice from a smug married! Finding the right man has bugger all to do with emptying a dishwasher. Most blokes don’t know what a dishwasher looks like, never mind how to work one. You should have something in common and you should definitely not think he is a mong. If you think he is a mong that you have settled for, you are screwed. So, write that list, make your tick sheet and get crossing those blokes off. Fuck putting the bins out (cos they won’t know which colour to put out on the right day anyway) – instead, check that he’s not scared to buy tampons and make sure he won’t kick your cat(s)! Fussy? Bloody right we are! |
Match | Raw |
3. You’re Too Busy To Date | 3. We Have Actual Jobs |
If you’re serious about finding love, you have to stop hiding behind excuses like “I haven’t got time to date”. Or “I’m too busy with work”. Is your job really so time-consuming that you genuinely can’t spare the time to go out for a quick drink with someone new? It sounds more like you may be using your super-hectic lifestyle as a buffer to avoid potential intimacies. Slow down and make time for dating instead of using work as the reason not to face your fear of dating. | Our jobs can be quite time consuming, so if the ‘someone new’ looks or sounds to be even remotely knobberish it’s a ‘no’ – why should we waste our precious free time on someone who has already been crossed off the list (see note above) – unless it is purely for the banter or a bet (by one of our single sad friends). Many women are not scared of dating, they are just sick of dating twats or incompatibles and so ‘I’m busy with work” is a good line to use if you’re too scared to actually say “well, you look a bit like a beaver, so no thanks”. |
Match | Raw |
4. You’re A Pessimist | 4. Erm, No We’re Not |
It may sound harsh, but you shouldn’t be dating at all if you’re just going through the motions with a negative “I’ll never meet anyone” attitude. So you’ve had a few bad dates, and faced rejection. It’s all part of the ups and downs of dating and you need to be strong enough to brush it off and not become disillusioned. Take a more positive approach to meeting new people. After all, if you don’t believe there’s someone out there for you, you’re never going to find him. | “I’ll never meet anyone”, “boo hoo, there’s no one out there for me”, “I’ll die alone with cats” etc etc… So what, we’ve all said those things before and obviously walking around with your face tripping you ain’t going to attract much more than a mugger needing a fix but let’s not get too happy clappy about finding a man! Suddenly saying “wahoo, there’s a man there for me, out there, somewhere” won’t make him magically appear in front of you like a really good Great Soprendo trick. Contrary to popular belief, many women who have had a ‘bad date’ find it gives them something funny to write about in their blog or chat to their pals about. Not taking it too seriously should not be seen as being pessimistic, even if every single man on earth IS a total mong and we’ll never find one to love us… |
Match | Raw |
5. You’re trying too hard | 5. Make Up Your Fucking Mind! |
Being too invested in finding the ‘one’ is a common mistake among women. Devoting all your time and energy to your true love search may seem like a project worthy of your full attention, but you could come off looking desperate. And being overly keen to get coupled-up may also lead you to settling for less than you deserve. Keep up with other interests, see friends, pursue hobbies and get involved with things because you genuinely get something out of them not just because you think they’re the path to finding true love. | Holy crap, in one comment we’re not trying hard enough, in the next comment a married women tells us to be on the lookout for a man who understands dishwashers and bins and now they’re saying we SHOULDN’T try too hard and just hang out with our friends (which is a direct contradiction to their point 6). Feck, no wonder most women are slightly psychotic and confused! No woman I know would take up pottery just in case she might meet a man there. No woman I know would take a cookery class in the hopes of finding a straight man who shares her love of homemade fresh pasta. Most women I know would happily go to the pub with her mates, have a few drinks, have a laugh and not give a shit if a bloke is watching or not because it’s not always all about them you know! Which brings me neatly to point 6. |
Match | Raw |
6. You’re Unapproachable | 6. Oh No, Boo Hoo |
If you surround yourself with a gaggle of girlfriends whenever you’re out, the man of your dreams is unlikely to fight his way through the crowd to ask you out. If you’re out on the pull, it’s better to go out in a smaller group of one or two friends so it’s easier for you to get noticed and approached. Similarly if you walk around with your headphones on, or always have your nose in a book, you’re unwittingly switching off potential avenues for being approached and asked out. Leave your iPod at home for a change, step out of your personal bubble and engage with the world around you. Make yourself more approachable by smiling at strangers, making eye-contact, and maybe even striking up a conversation. | Oh please. If a bloke really likes the look of you, he will either wade through the coven to get to you or wait til you go for a pee (when there will probably only be 2 of you) and then make his move. If he is too scared to make a move at all then he’s probably not the man for you in the first place! Don’t stop listening to your iPod or reading books in public ‘just in case’ it might put a bloke off talking to you. If you see someone you quite like, THEN put your book down for a second. However, if you’re at a really good bit, I’d advise you just crack on and finish the chapter. If he’s that bothered he’ll throw half a sandwich at you to get your attention, or maybe just walk past and say hello…who knows? |
Match | Raw |
7. You’re Hung Up On Your Ex | 7. I Wish I HAD Hung Up My Ex |
If you find yourself talking a lot about your previous relationship when you’re out on a date, it means you’re probably not ready to be dating yet. Ex-talk is never attractive to a potential partner and negative talk about former loves may end up showing you in a less than flattering light. Make yourself a rule never to bring up the subject of former partners and stick to it. Even if you’re asked about it, there’s always a way to brush the ex-talk aside. | I must disagree. Sometimes talking about your ex on a date can be attractive AND funny. However, if talking about your ex causes you to break out into hives, fall to the floor pounding your fists screaming ‘you’re not him, you’ll never be him, oh god what am I doing here with you?” then clearly you are not ready to date. There is never an easy way to brush ex talk aside so it’s always better to just say “you know what, he was a complete twat and he is lucky he still has both his bollocks, but you seem nice”. This does 2 things a) gets the ex chat out of the way and b) let’s your date know that you are not a pushover. 2 birds, 1 stone. |
Conclusion:
Dating is a little bit like the Crystal Maze – you all want to have a shot in each of the rooms trying to work out the puzzles but by the time you get to the Crystal Dome, the novelty has worn off and you’re not sure you can be arsed jumping up and down for 10 minutes to get enough little bits of paper to swap for a prize.
Men, if you like the look of a woman, go and speak to her.
Women, if you like the look of a bloke, go and speak to him.
What’s the worst that can happen? – they say ‘thanks but no’ or giggle at your efforts – SO, it’s not going to kill you! Phone your pal, laugh about it, cry about it, forget about it and move on to the next puzzle room.
