Wow, First Christmas...

...as a Separated Woman

Ooft. Is all that can be said.

On the upside, it has been cheaper.

Might spend this month wallowing!

Did I mention I got married at Christmas 2007??

Actors Centre Scotland

Well folks, sorry for the lack of online blogging but I've been busy as hell trying to kick off the Actors Centre in Edinburgh.  Things are moving slowly and we have an architectural brief done, a funding meeting organised for Friday and a strategy meeting on Friday night...keep your eyes peeled.

I've also been in the recording studio putting the finishing touches to the nursery rhyme boxset I'm creating with Twinkle Trax and Douglas Milne.

A really good audition last week will hopefully see me on the TV screens a bit more next year too...as I said above, keep your eyes peeled.  2010 looks like it'll be a busy one for The Raw!

Laters

H x

General Pants...

So, am suffering from insomnia and managed 3 hours sleep last night before embarking on a full day of pish admin.

Anyway, things are fine really. My mate Wilbur just left last night after a 4 day bender and we had a right laugh. I met him a million years ago when we pretty much 'double acted' on Celebrity Cruises - most weeks were known as the 'Helen & Will' cruise! Was a brilliant few days of swearing, debauchery and randomness (more than usual) and just what I needed.

Heading to London at the weekend to run a 'Business of Acting' seminar, introduce Emmy nominated Casting Director Nancy Bishop's masterclass and moderate an Agent Q&A Session all for ActorExpo, the UK's only trade show for actors - who'd a thunk it. L'il ole me from Dalgety Bay running in such circles!

Got asked to produce another film today too - what's going on?!

On a different note, I'm having a Halloween party at the end of the month (obviously) and can't wait my skeleton-coffin inflatable beer cooler has arrived along with many other bits and pieces I can't afford to buy but fuck it...organising it is keeping me sane.

Right, the oven is beeping on the chicken casserole I accidentally made so I'm off.....

H x

Vic Vapour-rub

Choked with the flu and feeling sorry for myself!

Am covered in Vicks and feasting on Beechams - fingers crossed it's out of my system by Monday - I've got shitloads to do!

Later
H x

I Am Raw, Hear Me Roar...

Here is a note I uploaded on Facebook in April this year. It still holds true and I read it now again to remind me how far I've come when I could easily have sunk under the duvet forever and given up.

Original Facebook note:

I finally realised the man I married was not who I thought he was and that's been hard to come to terms with. It makes you question your judgement. I now realise I should have listened to myself, my mum and my friends and walked out in October 2006, I definitely should have walked in March 2007 and the final straw should have been May 2008. I stayed because I thought my love for him was strong enough. I thought I could fix everything. Turns out, he didn't want to fix it. Female intuition is amazing - you should never doubt it. It won't happen again. Maybe I wasn't worth it to him. Not worth trying to fix it for.

Well, you know what? I am worth it.

I am a strong, independent woman and I'm bouncing back. I will come out of this stronger, happier and with the same moral backbone and strength I went in with.

I will never again: change for a man, water myself down for a man, take my eyes off my long-term goal for a man.

I sacrificed much of my career for a man and I have not been on stage for 3 years because I thought we were working together towards a bigger plan.

That will not happen again. The only plan I'm working towards is my own.

To everyone (especially blokes) out there, here's the deal:

* I listen to 80's power ballads, deal with it
* If asked a question, I'm answering truthfully
* If I want to run with the trolley in ASDA, I will
* If I find it funny to teach kids bad habits, so what?
* If I want to have a cupboard full of crisps and fridge full of Corona, I will
* If I can't have a laugh, swear and get rat-arsed occasionally in front of your family and friends without being smited, I don't wanna know
* My friends and family drink, swear and are totally mental so suck it up (my mum doesn't drink, but she could beat Rambo in a fight)

* I ain't changing
* I ain't diluting myself
* I ain't switching to spritzers (since writing this, I have become a lightweight and have poofed up my wine!)
* I ain't gonna watch my p's & q's
* I ain't gonna stop behaving like a tit in public
* I ain't gonna get rid of my fancy dress costumes and tat
* I ain't gonna promise not to flash my boobs in the street
* I ain't gonna stop shouting at shite drivers who cut me up
* I ain't gonna give up my collection of serial killer biographies
* I ain't pretending that I think it's cute when a bloke cries more than me
* I ain't gonna go to church except for weddings and funerals and christenings
* I ain't gonna keep my opinions to myself just because I might sound too gobby if I speak up
* I will watch horror films, in the dark and then freak you out by running around and hiding from you
* I like a clean house, either pull your weight and help or get nagged about it - either way, deal with it
* I ain't gonna stay at home every night and become the woman who texts asking 'when will you be home so I know when to put the tea on'
* If you piss me off I'm gonna tell you and I expect you to do the same...but if you worry about it for a week and then have a panic attack about it, I'll slap you
* I ain't being cheerful when I have my period just because it makes you feel better - if I'm grumpy and psychotic, deal with it, I won't hurt you if you don't annoy me
* I ain't gonna stop having mini-meltdowns and tantrums when things don't work, or when I drop things or stub my toe - it ain't directed at you so don't worry about it!

* Finally: I would prefer not to have the biggest pair of bollocks in the household. It's too much pressure when I already have the biggest boobs to deal with.

Phew, glad I got that sorted.

Pub, anyone?

I'm a fighter, always have been, always will be. I fight for what is right and won't be beaten into a corner by small minded bigots or hypocrites.

I have been through a lot in my short life: I was raped at 17, I cared for my terminally ill dad when I was 17/18, I barely scraped by in my exams and I worked all the hours god sent to make money to pay for singing and acting lessons. I watched my dad die on my 19th birthday and had a car crash 4 months later. I was rejected as a Red Coat at Butlins the same month. I've had my share of dodgy boyfriends and some really decent ones. I got married at the end of December 2007 and was asked for a divorce 1 year and 2 weeks later. Some would have thrown the towel in then. Not me!

I disappeared briefly from the entertainment world for the 3.5 years I was with my bloke; a mistake I will never make again. Without realising, I gave up a whole part of my life and, effectively, who I was for him.

Well, I am back. Stronger and more independent than before. More determined than before. More focussed and headstrong than I thought I could be and I will do this...with or without a bloke by my side...for I am Raw, hear me roar.

Oops...

Sorry, not blogged in ages and not well so this is a short one!

Will try and get into the habit of doing this daily...promise!

EIFF and Edinburgh Fringe

My liver is still aching from my 2 weeks at the Edinburgh International Film Festival but it was soooooo worth it!

I'm about to embark on 3 weeks of doing it all again but this time for theatre with the Edinburgh Fringe about to kick off in a couple of weeks. My poor wee body!

Sorry this is so short, but I can't really be arsed with blogging today!

Slippery Nipples

Fags = none
Cakes = none
Coffee = half a jar
Irn Bru = 1 x 2 litre bottle
Sex = erm.......
Bruises = 6 new ones
Biscuits = half a digestive (the other half fell in the bath)
Throat = sore
Heid = nipping

After an evening of Equity meetings and slippery nipples, the morning was a little bit hazy...especially after having a Hula Hoop fight with a mate til stupid o'clock!  I kicked my own arse into gear and after sweating in the bath and dropping half my breakfast (digestive biscuit) into the water I got started with my day.

Got the Equity drinks reception at the EIFF almost sorted, got my t-shirts designed and ordered for ActorExpo, chased up my invoices, set up a tonnage of meetings and worked out what scenes are missing from the zombie film I'm making with the 11 year olds. I also sent the shirt back to the man who left it on my living room floor on Saturday night and found out who had stolen the stork out of the car park (refer to earlier post 'Carnage' for this to make sense)!

Lunchtime - what a let down. Feck all food in the flat. I'm living like a hobo. No food other than a few mouldy Jacobs creams and a jar of crunchy peanut butter. I stand, Bridget Jones style, watching all the couples go by the window and eat the PB straight out of the jar, I'm also drinking the orange juice straight from the carton and the beans straight from the tin. I really think I'm turning ferrel. You know what though? I quite like it. I am my own boss, I answer to no-one and I can do what the hell I like. Did I mention I used to be married...? That's a whole other blog...

Well, I'm off to scream down the phone at Candace cos she is supposed to be bringing me food - I can't possibly have another Pot Noodle today, can I?

Laters...

Baby Poo

A while ago, my good friend asked me if I would child-mind her 13 month old every 2nd Monday. 'Yes of course' said I. 'How hard can it be?'

For the love of Jehovah...

Projectile baby diarrhoeaa, clothes covered (his and mine)...yummy mummy my arse. Slummy mummy is more accurate!

He had a nap, woke up, I took off his nappy, cleaned him up turned to get a new nappy and wham, pee everywhere.

Cleaned him up again.

15 mins later, I heard a sound that made me think a thunder storm was imminent, but no, the wee man had farted. What a stench. Another nappy check revealed some sort of explosion had happened. I took him to the nappy change area but had left the wipes in the living room. PANIC. The nappy was already off but I had nothing to clean with.

Note to everyone, babies don't understand 'stay there, don't move!'

I sprinted to the living room for the wipes hoping against hope that he had stayed put....no chance.

In the 4 seconds I had been gone, he crawled round the spare room and got poo everywhere. How is that even possible?

Lunchtime. Holy Jesus, what a fecking mess. Spag Bol and yoghurt! All was going well until the 4th mouthful and he sneezed it all over me.

So here I am; a soon to be divorced 35 year old woman who runs her own business and networks with the rich and famous and can hold her own in almost every situation but is now frazzled at the edges and stinking of pish and poo, covered in spag bol, in a flat that is a tip, too scared to go and make coffee in case the wee one finds my supply of bathroom cleaning products and feasts on them in the 3 seconds I'm not watching him!

God knows how I will get us both organised to make my press meeting at the Film Festival without looking like some sort of stained scrubber!

The things you do for your mates...

(to be fair, he is a lovely wee fecker so it's not all bad)!

Carnage

So, I went to see my mate in a play last night (Sat). I went by myself and was planning the following:

See play
Have 1 beer to say 'well done' at the end
Come home for an early night and do my fake tan

Here is what actually happened:

Saw play
Had beers with lots of gay men and handed business cards out like confetti
Got invited to The List Festival Opening Party
Had more beers and moved to another pub in Leith with the play crew
Had more beers and then went to Sneaky Petes to dance to rave music (yes, you did read that right!)
Had more beers
Did dodgy dad dancing with Eddie, my new pal, whilst the boys watched on in despair at a 45 and 35 year old bouncing about like twats!
Left Sneaky Petes at 3am and decided to continue the 'after show' party at my flat
Walked and Rik-shawed home
Chapped Kirsty up to see if she wanted to come to the party (sorry Kirk)
Had more beers
Played charades (very badly)
Laughed a lot
Watched the boys throw the stork out of the living room window at 5am...
Went to bed at 7am
Got up at 12
Spent the rest of the day going 'uuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrr' whilst cleaning and getting rid of empty bottles
Watched The Goonies and Saw 3

I am now going to bed cos I've an 13 month old bloke round for the day tomorrow...have to be a responsible adult for a whole 12 hours! Wish me luck!

Holy crap, what a night!

First Proper Post

Okay, so this is my first actual post. Here we go:

Fags = none
Cakes = 1 cream donut
Coffee = half a jar
Sex = none, but it is only 6pm so give me time

Tonight I am heading out to see my mate in his new play 'A Cock & Bull Story' - anything with Cock in the title is alright as far as I'm concerned but other than that, bugger all is happening today.

Have just had a bath, into which I dropped a little piece of the aforementioned donut by accident, and did a face pack, which has left me a little bit blotchy. I may have to put a bag over my head before heading to the play. But wait...it's on in Leith...so even with a blotchy face and a donut filled spare tire, I'm still likely to pull.

Will keep you posted on my outing in tomorrows exciting installment...

What Am I Doing?

Well, apparently I'm addicted to Facebook so thought I might as well try something else too...this is my first blog post ever in my life so apologies in advance for the fact that it's shit...more to follow once I have a clue!