...on Plenty of Pish.com (plentyoffish.com) - this is, pretty much, a disaster waiting to happen!
My profile went live again on 1st April (yes, intentionally) and, so far, I've been called rude TWICE! Now, I take exception to this as there is nothing in my profile whatsoever that would suggest that I am either a) romantic b) desperate. However, when prospective suitors regale me with their 'could you be the one' pish, it comes as a surprise when I tell them that a) I'm not interested and b) when asked, I tell them WHY I'm not interested. Why would you say that I could be 'THE ONE' in your FIRST email? Who ARE these people?
So, to set the record straight for those of you reading this thinking...
'...what a cow, she IS on a dating site after all...'
yes I'm on a DATING site. Exactly what it says on the tin!
I'm not on a 'meet the love of your life' site or a 'meet the future father of your children site' or a 'meet the man you want to have really hot amazing sex with twice a week for the rest of your days with' site. So let's chill the fuck out!
Here is my profile so you can see for yourselves.
Also, if someone emails you with the exact wording, which you have stated in your profile you would ignore, should it be a shock that you a) ignore their email b) ignore their winks? No, thought not, but apparently it's a no no. The etiquette is to reply to ANYONE who emails you. Fuck that! It just encourages them. There can be no room for sympathy emails on dating sites - you could end up with a stalker.
But, apparently, it's rude not to reply to people "who have taken the time to make contact, this is a tricky business you know and hearts can be broken". Oh for fuck sake. The site is called plentyoffish.com and asks what sort of fish you are. Seriously! I could understand if it was a 'pay per view site' like match.com or affinity.com or findyoursoulmatebyfillinginlotsofdeepandmeaningfulquestions.com BUT IT'S NOT! I don't pay to be on Plenty of Fish, therefore I have an expectation that the wheat has not yet been sorted from the chaff and it's up to me to whittle things down. If you're gonna bitch at me in the first email because I am true to my profile, sorry mate, it's a no go!
In the time I've been dotting in and out writing this blog the following conversations have occurred (ps these will make more sense if you have read my profile!)
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If Mr Miyagi Had A Love Child With A Carny...
GoCee: Your last sentense say "honest guy"...does that mean you're a guy trying out been a girl?...I'm just asking because I'm curious...hope that's okay? :(
Raw: I have no idea what you're on about!
GoCee: Please look/check your own profile at the very bottom and you will notice you said "Honest Guy" instead of "Honest Girl"...or should it be "Honest Psycho". :)
Raw: Ya div - it's in inverted commas!
GoCee: Wow, how rude?
GoCee: Oh...I see, my mistake, ignore rude message, so you don't believe a guy likes to cuddle up in a sofa with a bottle of wine and watch a DVD...not that I do as I don't have a telly. So what do you think guys do on a nights in? :)
Raw: Argh, you're doing my head in, I meant it's cos it's an unoriginal sentence. Did your telly get repossessed? My point was that if that sentence was in your profile I wouldn't send you a message as it's unoriginal!! Argh!! By the way, I'm probably not going to write to you anymore.
GoCee: What?!...that is soooo wrong, you a rude, some guys may just "like" cuddling up on a sofa with a bottle (or can) and watch blu-ray (DVD's are sooo 90s!)...so you saying we "can't" to gain your interest?
Raw: why is it wrong? It's my profile I can write what I like! And yes, I'm saying we can't! Plus if you have Blu-Ray you prob have a telly, ya liar! Happy fishing.
GoCee: I'm just having a bit a fun to see if I can get you to change your profile...and yes you can write whatever you like and shouldn't let anyone say otherwise. Nice chatting, happy fishing too. :)
GoCee has since been blocked for being annoying!
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Raw: space hopper gold medalist? I'm already scared!
bob joylove: indeed!!! however, I can offer coaching sessions on technique, ps. bouncy castles are what you should really fear...
Raw: hang on - are you talking about the space hoppers that you sit on, hold the handles and bounce up and down on or the ones you stand on and bounce on?
bob joylove: The sitty ones, also, I've randomly had to risk assess a huge 40 foot long inflatable bouncy castle like thingy and it gave me the fear! :)
Raw: 40ft long! Isn't that more just an inflatable rectangle?
bob joylove: sort of yes but was an inflatable obstacle course where kids or indeed adults have to race ( should really be for kids though) over the hurdles and squeeze through vegetables and get to the velcro wall to get a healthy object and return to win.
Raw: WOW! What an exciting life you lead! PS am good on the stand-on space hopper but would do myself damage on a pogo stick PPS you'll notice I've pulled both email strands into one cos I can't be arsed with 6 different strands talking about different things!
bob joylove: ha...funny I just actually took the time to read your whole profile in full and interrupted my viewing of 'come dine with me' as I only made it to the trolleys in ASDA mention on your list and now can't believe how lucky you are that I sent you a message. I have not been on this site for quite a while and clicked on the 'meet me' tab and for some reason every picture of girls with no doubt great personalities all seem to look a bit like grotbags from emu's world. Is this who the plenty of fish hosts feel I should be targeting?
Raw: I'm a fan of Grotbags!
bob joylove: by the way don't buy a pennywhistle from the pound shop....it's a rip off
Raw: so are the 'moustaches for every day of the week' they fall off!
bob joylove: well its been emotional...farewell for now. I am off to be a egghead at the Crown quiz or at least join a team who know random things about things. Ciao madam
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So, that's what I've had so far really. WOW! My ovaries are quivering at the thought of a possible insemination - NOT! Ooft.
I've had convos with a couple of decents too but I'm not putting them on here in case I end up marrying them - not sure I could cope with the ensuing drama!
5 comments:
Another brilliant entry in what I personally think is one of the best blogs in town. You have no equal Helen, always intelligent & often hilarious observations about life that are so you. Keep up the good work & looking forward to your One Woman Show.
Mark.
Aw thanks Mark, as always, just being a bit like Catchphrase from the 80's, 'saying what I see' :-))
Well done H!
Leigh
Helen you can take the girl out of the Bay but you can tell your still a Bay Babe at heart!!!!
Hahahah ElffQueen - tis true, tis true!! :-)
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