I woke up had a coffee, a wee and a chat with myself and then wrote up my latest dream which in itself was ridiculous so I should have known the day wouldn't go swimmingly!
At 0920 I left the house to take Bridget to the car doctor for her MOT. I dropped her off at 0930, gave her a wee kiss and headed off to kill time for an hour before going to pick her up.
Remembering I needed to get some keys cut for the flat, I popped into a shop which was kind of like a pikey version of something you would find in Diagon Alley. An old man with a fag hanging out of his mouth (a cigarette, not a nubile young man for my US readers) greeted me with a grunt and a wave of a hand which had been beautifully manicured at Manky Grimey Fingernails.com
I asked him how much it would be to cut my keys and he said 'what?' I thought for a second I had wandered into a dental practice by mistake, but after a second glance allowed me to clock the key cutting machine I realised he was probably just deaf so I shouted 'how much to cut my keys' 'alright, I'm not deaf he said'. Hhmmm. I told him I wanted 2 sets - I repeated everything twice, but he absolutely is not deaf! I asked him if he would do a discount for a double set and, in true Scottish fashion, he wrinkled his nose and said 'I'll take 50p off'. Oh well, can't say fairer than that!
I left all my keys with him not convinced he would actually cut the right ones and headed off to kill an hour, thinking about poor wee Bridget being poked and prodded by all those men. Lucky cow.
I wandered into the charity shops, of which there are about 86 on Leith Walk. I bought 3 books, a chest of drawers and a lava lamp all for 8 pence.
Kwik Fit phoned me. Bridget had failed her MOT. How could this be? I asked what she failed on - I kid you not:
- sat nav holder is too high on the windscreen
- headlight beam is a bit too low
- she has a cut in THE NEW TIRE THAT I JUST BOUGHT A MONTH AGO
Okay, the tire is unlucky but I get that. But the other 2 things - for fuck sake! The sat nav holder is removeable and can just be taken off. The headlight beam is a fucking design issue.
So, not only had I just wasted 8 pence in charity shops for the sake of it, I now had to cancel my horse riding lesson for Sat morning cos I've no car to get there! Smart car tires take a day to order - any need?!
So, in a rage, I stomped back to the shop to pick up my keys.
Where was the shop? It had disappeared! How can a shop, complete with old man, just disappear?
I walked up and down the length of Leith Walk 3 FECKING TIMES and could not find this bastarding shop. With my rage rising and the risk to the public increasing, I started phoning all my mates to ask them to do an internet search for key cutters on Leith Walk. But, hey ho no-one was answering their phone and my iPhone doesn't get internet properly on Leith Walk. Fuck sake. The rage was making me hyperventilate. Finally I got hold of Paul who googled for me and finally I found the wee man and his shite shop. He forgot he said he'd give me a 50p discount, so in true Scots fashion, I argued with him til he took it off my bill.
3 hours and a 7 mile walk to get keys cut and drop your car off for an MOT - any need for that?
I should be provided with a carer and never allowed back out by myself!
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