I've not been on the site in a while, purely cos I can check messages on my iPhone then I forget to go in and actually do any replying. Not that there are many I'd actually reply to because I stick quite clearly to the rules in my profile. If you ask shit questions, you don't get a reply. If you speak at me in text spk(?!) you get ignored and if you have any sort of religious connotation, that too knocks you out of the ball park.
However, the site are so keen to hook me up, they have now started 'recommending' suitors. In big bold letters:
We strongly recommend that you look at the following users as well...
As well as what? The string of other complete numb nuts who have emailed me? Great, now they're SUGGESTING twats for you to chat to! Why would I want to get into a conversation with a left wing Minister? That is clearly going to end in tears with one of our faces having been clawed off by the other. Not the best match making suggestion in the universe! Pull your finger out PoF!
Raw: Aw, enjoy your first date with Shaniqua then :-)
Breath of fresh air really!
So, this latest recommendation (nowhere near as exciting or accurate as Amazon's ones) appears to be lovely - if you're a Wallace and Gromit fan and fancy eating Wensleydale sarnies all night. I say this because he actually looks like Wallace. Or is it Gromit? Which one is not the dog? He also has been badly hurt in the past and wants a nice quiet life?!
- Dear People at Plenty of Fish - HAVE YOU MET ME?? Which part of my profile screams 'quiet life' and 'bloke will have easy time with no drama'?
Bless him, he had also already sent me an email (clearly following up on the 100% spot-on matchmaking suggestions) which he finished with, PLEASE email me back even if it's to say 'no thanks' just so I'm not hanging on. WTF it's a dodgy dating site - what does he mean 'hanging on'? He has annoyed me already by clearly being needy. If you don't get an email back, go outside and play with your real friends. Sheesh!
This next email did actually make me laugh even though I think it was supposed to offend:
Subject: You sound a pain in the ass too.... From: BigDadC has closed their account Sent Date: 6/2/2011 2:43:53 PM |
So, the upshot is, I'm still single, I'm still gathering material for not only my one-woman show but now all the websodes being part of this site has got me thinking about...gotta laugh really.
Here is the most hilarious/random/ridiculous email convo from tonight...so far:
Raw: funny profile - you're completely insane! Any luck on this pile of pish site? I'm hardly ever on to be honest - just here to get material for my one woman show really :-)
Spanish Man: Oh, hello. Well, you're the first person to send me a positive reply (notwithstanding your casting aspersions on my mental health), so I guess I'd have to say I'm not having any luck. Since you have decided I'm insane, does this mean I'm eligible to chase your trolley round Asda? It's been ages since a woman let me do that.
Raw: well, considering I'm out of action on a work thing til end of Aug then away til end of Sep, even spotting me with a trolley would be akin to being on Challenge Anneka!
Spanish Man: Oh, that's a shame. Perhaps I should start by dating a text-talking shellsuit-wearer (sporting jewellery that spells out her name) and work my way up.
Spanish Man: I will - but I'll be thinking of you. Wait - that sounded a bit creepy. Meh...
Raw: erm, yeah it did a bit...
Breath of fresh air really!
2 comments:
haha, I did the plenty of phish thing. I did do 6 dates, and have my friends in stitches. My first date was an Elvis impersonator, super handsome. We had chatted a lot and he seemed nice. We got on ok on our first date but he told me he had something to tell me. He had a sexual assault charge over his head. I was dumbstruck. I googled him later and his mugshot was the first thing that came up as he made the news. BUH BYE!
The second date was with a real funny guy but in the end it was really with his dog, who basically mounted my lap and would not get off. Buh bye.
The third guy, not attractive but I was trying to be less shallow. He was nice and we made it to date two where he told me he was in love with me. Buh bye.
Next date, I had to pick the guy up and pay for the date, when I drove him home, he was so anxious for me to meet his kids. Buh bye.
I could go on...
haha! Brill :-)
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