Asian Man in a Gimp Mask and A Sparkly Mermaid Dress

Well, I think this dream is definitely up there at the top of the 'weird shit in my head' list.

I started off being 8.  I was being chased by a killer in a black outfit (not unlike the Milk Tray Man) carrying a massive knife trying to kill me.  I was on a train.  I kept hiding in different compartments (it was an old fashioned train from back in the day).  No-one believed that this man was chasing me and killing everyone in his way - anytime I saw him, he would hide and no-one else could see him.  How he managed to blend in wearing a gimp mask I'll never know.

I finally escaped off the train and ran to where I heard people.  It was a village fete.  It had a 'wickerman' feel to it.  I tried to hide from this guy but he kept chasing me.  I got with a group of people and tried to tell them about my 'mad killer stalker' but they didn't believe me until they saw him for themselves.  This meant that he started chasing them down too.

In all the confusion, I got invited to a formal dinner dance and of course I didn't have anything to wear.  I must point out that I have gone from age 8 to my actual age in the space of that train journey.

Having been on a train for about 29 years, I had no clothes for the do so went to a charity shop and bought a lovely mermaid sparkly type thing for 8 pence.  It was only after I'd arrived at the party on my bike that I realised my arse was hanging out of the back of it.  It had really bad stitching.  I spent the night at the do holding the back of my dress together.

I got back on the train to go home and lo and behold, the man in black was in the carriage I was booked in to.  I started to run but then couldn't be arsed so I stopped and turned round and said, 'fine, stab me in the face, I couldn't give a fishes tit'.  He took off his mask as I had broken the spell and I now had to kill him.  He was a little Asian man with spikey hair but before I could kill him, in a very eaborate way, I had to change out of my shit mermaid dress.  I spent ages putting my trackies back on and lacing up my shoes.  The people in the carriage told me I shouldn't kill him and that even though he had killed about 7 thousand people, I should let him live.

I laughed quite loudly in their faces and then stabbed him in the gums.  Yes, in the gums.

Dear oh dear, I wonder if they make straight jackets in my size...