Unicorns and Dolph Lundgren

So my first dream of the evening had nothing to do with either Bridget Jones or Zombie Flesheaters, the two films I was considering watching last night: 

So, I was hoovering with one of those annoying cylinder type hoovers (not a cool upright Dyson) and there was a knock on my door.  It was Dolph Lundgren but this didn't seem to perturb or shock me.  He told me that he was head of the witch hunt gang and that since he had found me, he would get to burn me. 

I tried to ascertain why I was potentially going to be set alight for being a witch when, to be honest, I couldn't even master my Paul Daniels Magic Set that I had when I was 8.  In fact I took it to school and Andrew broke the 2 rings that came with it and my Dad had to go to his door to get some money from his Dad to replace it.  

I digress. 

All Dolph would tell me was "we know".  I had no fecking clue what he was on about and was just annoyed that my hoovering would be only half done. 

I had to follow him and we traipsed up the Royal Mile and joined in a procession of witchy killer type people, unicorns, gremlins and Oompa Loompas along with normal people.  To be honest it didn't seem odd and was kind of like Festival time all over again. 

Anyway, Dolph gave a speech near the castle telling people what a bad witch I was and that the only thing to do was burn me.  I offered to do some magic to show how shit I was at it but they were having none of it. 

A bunch of munchkin type people tied me to a big stick and put lots of paper at my feet. Then one of the unicorns sparked the fire with it's horn - I always thought unicorns were supposed to be nice! 

So, I'm tied to a stick but then, I find myself on a Unicorn (hopefully not the same one as before) parading back up the Royal Mile where loads of people were waiting.  Gremlins helped me down (which was quite hilarious, given their size) and walked me up the aisle where, waiting for me at the end was a fecking Oompa Loompa.  Apparently, because I hadn't burned in the fire, I must be a normal person and my reward was marriage to a magical creature and it was Oompa Loompas day on the rota.  Bloody typical, it was never gonna be the fecking handsome Prince's shift in my dream now was it?!?

Any need?  Just out of one marriage to a knobhead and about to marry someone the actual size of a knob! 

Fortunately, I must have wet the bed or something cos I woke up before actually saying 'I Do'.

 

Could you imagine, life with an Oompa Loompa?  

 

Not sure if my hoovering ever got finished!