This is the profile I had on a couple of 'free' dating sites.
The first email I got was: "Hi, my name's Bob and I like having sex in tents. Would you like to go camping?"
Not sure what it was about my profile that screamed "I'm easy, a bag o chips and I'm yours" but if someone could let me know, that would be grand!
Here it is:
***
I'm off for a bath, so don't expect a reply tonight!
I'm an actor, singer and director and apparently a good catch - my pals say so, so probably best not to question it!
More about me...
I'm 5 ft 3 (and a bit)
I have blue eyes
I can punch really hard
I can lift my own body weight in feathers
I have 2 double jointed pinkies
I think farts are funny
I find the humour in most situations
I'm sometimes quiet but mostly gobby
I'm a bit of a geek but have big boobs
I understand the complexities of crime scene analysis but I don't understand the offside rule
I like bouncy castles but am a bit scared of space hoppers
I can roller skate but not roller blade (I need the stoppers)
I prefer taxis to buses
I prefer buses to walking
I prefer walking to running
I prefer running to being chased in a haphazard manner by a crazed maniac
I listen to 80's power ballads
If asked a question, I answer truthfully
I run with the trolley in ASDA
I find it funny to teach kids bad habits
I LOVE Magic FM
If that's all too much...bye bye!
If you're a weirdo please don't contact me cos I've had enough of that and can smell you a mile away. If you're normal and have all your own teeth (actual teeth in your mouth, not that you 'own' your dentures), drop me a line. However, anyone who just sends 'hi, you look cool', 'hi, would love to chat to you', 'hi like your profile, let's chat' or something similar will not get a response!
PS I'm a pain in the ass control freak!
PPS Religious nuts and do-goody Christians - don't even think about making contact. I'm not kidding. Really.
PPPS If you don't know the difference between two, too and to or they're, there and their and how to use them effectively in a sentence, please don't expect a reply - I need to know you can read and write and have a conversation about more than football and engines. Please, no text speak either cos it hurts my head trying to decipher it, plus I'm not 12!
I'm an actor, singer and director and apparently a good catch - my pals say so, so probably best not to question it!
More about me...
I'm 5 ft 3 (and a bit)
I have blue eyes
I can punch really hard
I can lift my own body weight in feathers
I have 2 double jointed pinkies
I think farts are funny
I find the humour in most situations
I'm sometimes quiet but mostly gobby
I'm a bit of a geek but have big boobs
I understand the complexities of crime scene analysis but I don't understand the offside rule
I like bouncy castles but am a bit scared of space hoppers
I can roller skate but not roller blade (I need the stoppers)
I prefer taxis to buses
I prefer buses to walking
I prefer walking to running
I prefer running to being chased in a haphazard manner by a crazed maniac
I listen to 80's power ballads
If asked a question, I answer truthfully
I run with the trolley in ASDA
I find it funny to teach kids bad habits
I LOVE Magic FM
If that's all too much...bye bye!
If you're a weirdo please don't contact me cos I've had enough of that and can smell you a mile away. If you're normal and have all your own teeth (actual teeth in your mouth, not that you 'own' your dentures), drop me a line. However, anyone who just sends 'hi, you look cool', 'hi, would love to chat to you', 'hi like your profile, let's chat' or something similar will not get a response!
PS I'm a pain in the ass control freak!
PPS Religious nuts and do-goody Christians - don't even think about making contact. I'm not kidding. Really.
PPPS If you don't know the difference between two, too and to or they're, there and their and how to use them effectively in a sentence, please don't expect a reply - I need to know you can read and write and have a conversation about more than football and engines. Please, no text speak either cos it hurts my head trying to decipher it, plus I'm not 12!
I also like people to use punctuation and the correct capitalisation of letters.
"I'm a genuine, honest guy who likes nights out but also nights in with a DVD and bottle of wine." This is the exact profile wording I tend to avoid. Why? BECAUSE EVERYONE WRITES IT AND IT'S DULL! Ooft.
"I'm a genuine, honest guy who likes nights out but also nights in with a DVD and bottle of wine." This is the exact profile wording I tend to avoid. Why? BECAUSE EVERYONE WRITES IT AND IT'S DULL! Ooft.
***
So there you have it. The Raw is still divorced and single. Ha!
1 comment:
Thanks for sharing this blog, Here you will get the best dating site for singles Contact silversingles customer service number
Post a Comment